Wednesday, 25 November 2009

You know you've been in Estonia too long when:

1. You rummage through your plastic bag collection (Prisma and Rimi mostly) to see which ones you should keep to take to the store and which can be sacrificed to garbage.

2. When a stranger on the street smiles at you:
a. you assume he's drunk
b. he is insane
c. he's an American
d. he's a British sex tourist.

3. You think pay with cash only is quite primitive; in fact your ability to calculate the change back has slowed down dramatically. Getting change in coins or 2 kroon bills is just unacceptable.

4. Your coffee consumption exceeds 6 cups a day and coffee is too weak if there is less than 5 scoops per pot. You drink less water than before.

5. You've replaced some English expressions with "ei ole", "ei taha" and "ma ei tea". The "noh" or "nii" come already spontaneously. Your native language has seriously deteriorated.

6. Around 6:30pm you check mentally which shops are close to you to buy alcohol before 8:00pm.

7. Your notion of streetlife is reduced to the few teenagers hanging out in Viru Keskus.

8. Silence… is fun.

9. Watching TV is no longer interesting. Everything can be found online.

10. When you go to a restaurant you don't expect the waitress to come with the menus and ask what you would like. Customer service is no longer linked with courtesy.

11. You don't think twice about wearing sandals indoors.

12. You know that "I got a new boyfriend." means "I got laid last night."

13. The next day when they say "We broke up." you know it means "He didn't call."

14. You agree that no WIFI at home is equivalent to no electricity or no heating.

15. You are immediately suspicious when somebody starts talking to you in the street.

16. Your bad mood becomes your good mood.

17. Things are not "great" or "amazing" anymore; they're just "normal".

18. You've come to expect Sunday morning sidewalk vomit dodging.

19. You think something's wrong if you see more children than old ladies or drunkards in a bus.

20. If the sun comes out you stare from the window for a couple of minutes.

21. Your front door step is beginning to resemble a shoe shop.

22. When you need a taxi you pick the phone and ask for one.

23. The only couple talking in a tram or a bus always seems to annoy you.

24. You seriously consider visiting the sauna at least once a week.

25. You get annoyed when the bus is two minutes late.

26. Your definition of party has reduced to a nice conversation, quiet music, some snacks and of course drinking.

27. You know how to fix potatoes in 105 different ways.

28. You eat potatoes in 105 ways.

29. You hear loud-talking passengers on the bus. You immediately assume:
a. they are drunk
b. they are Russian-speaking
c. all of the above

30. You chat with people by MSN or Skype even if they're 2 meters away from you.

31. You have undergone a transformation:
a. You accept hapukoor in any food
b. You accept chocolate as food
c. You accept

32. You understand why the Estonian language has neither future tense nor sex.

33. You know that "religious holiday" means, "let's get pissed."

34. You stop asking "how are you" when you meet people. Communicating becomes less and less important...

35. You greet people with "tere" or "hei" or "chau" and keep your distance. You lengthen the last vowels to be very effusive.

36. If someone hugs you for more than 2 seconds you already suspect he/she's hitting on you.

37. Your definition of spicy food has seriously deteriorated.

38. You accept that 80'C in a sauna is chilly, but 20'C outside is freaking hot. Also, you accept -10'C outside as a reasonable temperature, but anything under 22'C indoors is unreasonable...

39. You don't seem anymore surprised, frustrated or disappointed when a girl tells you she's with her boyfriend after dancing and rubbing herself nastily with you.

40. "No comment" becomes a conversation strategy.

41. You know that "work from home" is another phrase for "I'll sleep longer and work half day".

42. Your old habit of being "Fashionably late" is no longer acceptable. You feel ashamed if you're 5mins late.

43. You think SMS is a great way of interacting with people and even flirting.

44. The only place where you're sit without having a computer in front of you is more likely to be the bathroom.

45. You enjoy potatoes.


  1. 42. Actually,
    being late = murder

  2. Hmm, ma ei saa küll hästi aru, mida sa mõtled, aga polegi oluline :) vist...

  3. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  4. Ehkki olen Eestis sündinud ja elanud üle paarikümne aasta, tundus seda lugedes, et ma pole veel õigesse Eestisse sattunudki :D:D